I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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