I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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