I puked a lego.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
