so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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