Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
