you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
