Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
