someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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