I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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