If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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