i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
