After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
