oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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