Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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