I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
