singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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