Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
