Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
