Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
