Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
