I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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