Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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