I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
