why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
