I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
