is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
