I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
