I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
