Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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