dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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