I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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