I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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