I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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