me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
