My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
