He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
