My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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