Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
