Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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