I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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