I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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