We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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