I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
