the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
