my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Randomize
