i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
