What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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