theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
