And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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