I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm too high and old for this...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
