You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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