its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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