Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
