I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dignity is for republicans.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
