I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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