I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
